pinkNjaded's Xanga

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 02:14:24 GMT

wtfffff..... i had to figure out where to go to post a new blog on xanga.

it really has been a yr since the last update, hmmm. what happened in that yr? i'm still in the same great relationship, i moved, i got a new job, i work.

i remember getting the book "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss as a present. I forgot about that book. When i wake up i think, "Oh the problems you'll solve" and i also think, "Oh the problems you can't/ are not solving". Then i go to work and i come home tired. I calculate the hours until i have to wake up and go to work again.

I'm lame, i don't really have real problems. Probably because i don't know what they are or what real problems are suppose to be.

Sometimes i feel like i'm in a lull and i forget that i live in a city with millions other ppl. then i remember that there are other ppl when i walk to the groceries store.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:48:10 GMT

Don't like being sick. Not sick enough to stay home... but the kind that you drag around all day. Fevers are no fun.

I don't know what i'm doing. And i don't know what to do. You can't explain something to another person if you don't know what it is urself. And sometimes sitting around and "figuring it all out" and "just decide" doesn't work. I think u have to be level headed for that kind of stuff to work.

So maybe instead of figuring it all out i should just... let go... easy way out. Doesn't seem like it would incite a reaction or matter at this point. Sometimes i wonder if i'm testing myself, to see if i can let go. But you know if once u let go, ur probably not getting it back. So maybe i'm letting it fade... I'm waiting for it to fade... lifts the burden (i cheat, so what?).

But u have to at least keep all parties informed, no? That would be the responsible thing. But how can u if u don't know "what" to inform?

So I let it fade...I wait for it to fade... because that's what I know to do now, and well... I haven't gotten any clue that it won't.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 08:37:09 GMT

just bk from Cambodia. Dusty city and great piles of stones.

why does it always feel like there's something missing? ...or are u always suppose to feel like "something" is missing? because if nothing is missing, u'd have nothing to do or strive for?

stuck...not stuck. there's a need to do "something", but don't think ur dedicated enough? good enough? that u've finally reached ur out of touch point? I know..the solution is... just do it. But do what? something? anything?

how come some pple are so good at sorting things out? that's why sometimes it's nice to not be around pple, cos then u won't feel like they've got it figured out and u don't, haha. And sometimes relationships are great because u always feel like u have something pushing u (for ur own good), but sometimes u'd rather be by urself so u don't have to feel like u have someone pushing u (whether they are or not?).

how do u start to do this? sit down and sort things out? make some actual decisions? actually do something real?.... i guess that whole "just ride it out" doesn't really work anymore huh? damn.

going somewhere...

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:08:04 GMT

no matter how hard i try, i don't think i will ever like this new xanga. let's go bk to the old days.

i just update cos i have to check in w/ myself sometimes.

been a crazy yr that is flying by way too fast! it feels like weeks just zoom by and before i know it they become months that zoom by. will be part time at the company in July. been styling for a new tv show, Popcorn, weekly. which means all night filming schedule once a week. working on other freelance projects. but i should be looking for other stuff. sometimes i think i avoid it because i don't know what to look for.

the new place is coming together, however, super slowly. and i'm processing stuff, however, super slowly. at least it's going somewhere...i think.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:25:14 GMT

Am I too disconnected? am I not doing what i'm suppose to be doing? In most aspects....

some things are so good, and amazing, and surprising, and scary...but still good. and sometimes it scares me that it's good?

and there are other things. things that are sometimes out of my control. and i know sometimes they have nothing to do w/ me, but i still feel conflicted. and i know all these feelings are legit, i just have to sort them out. but sometimes sorting out ur feelings is just sorting out ur feelings, and really doesn't solve the problem or get u anywhere. i guess that's what "out of my control" means.

sometimes i feel like i'm lazy, like i'm not doing enough, like i'm not challenging myself. and sometimes i know these things are true. and sometimes i hate that they are true, and sometimes i just don't care.

I should really do something, about anything. I should sort things out... even if it's just in my head. *note to self - schedule sorting things out time*.

the Phamily's here. they just got here, and as happy as they are to see family, i know they're so tired, and it isn't a vacation for them. i'm trying to make it easier on Lil Pham and the 'rents.

Biking trip to Dong Nai this wknd was fun and trying. We roughed it through rain, sun, insects, dust, and screaming monkeys. And came out darker and more local, haha:

view from our wooden hut

Mymy and a horse

The entourage

Giang Dien waterfall

The view

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:48:20 GMT

i don't have much to say...

the trips were great. some of it scary...just when u come to certain realizations of commitment or whatever. it's just a lot, for someone who wasn't asking for anything. and have never had to.

Hong Kong = $$$, status, memberships, seas of black and grey clothing, British + Chinese, the New York of Asia, and yeah...that's it.

but of course, seeing Yvonne was the best part and the whole point of the trip .

Singapore = a more diverse and organized city, sterile and manicured but still w/ enough surprises, fun enough for a yr or two.

...and hanging out w/ Ethan was the dopest part of Singapore .

but alas, Vietnam it is. lets see how long i can hold down the fort before i surrender and run off somewhere else more fun. Singapore? haha.

...and tomorrow it's back to work. hhmm....when and where's the next trip?

Friday, February 01, 2008

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:37:48 GMT

yeah Hong Kong!!!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 06:51:19 GMT

so here it is again: Point A.

so here is me going again: ---------____---------________________--->

where the fuck's point B? I think B's variable...crap.

sigh...here is me going again....

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 03:53:56 GMT

yeah for my new toy!!! i'm so excited!!! now...someone teach me to use it to its full potential, please.

home's been a relief of decidedly less drama than expected (knock on wood). but u always leave wondering...did anything change? for better? for worse? or is it just all the same and u've once again pried urself out of the mold knowing that it's always there when u get back. who knows, i still love my family....it's just changes rite? ugh, sappy.

talking of sappy...geez i won't even go there. although i kinda want to.

I'm excited to go back to Asia. like i said '08 will be freakin' weird, but it'll also fly by really fast i'm sure, even if it's just started. there'll be new people and experiences, which i always strive on...i hope. i know i'm wearing out HCMC, but i still don't feel finished? what does that mean?! i guess i can spend another year figuring that out. it's just a yr.

3 more weeks...and this all starts. my motto for '08 is "don't fuck up"...yeah, that works.

. heart . . heart . . heart ......sigh

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 02:04:38 GMT

"You'll conjugate the verb "love" on all tunes, on all modes. Yes, love will well be the greatest affair of your life in this moment."

Really?! hahaha....rite whatever. Man, '08 is gonna be weird.

My trip back to Asia is planned and done. I hate planning, for anything. But i guess u plan for what u can. Until none of it works out and it's just like u didn't plan anything.

Boston should be good. I hope.

And i found a rainbow..on a bright crisp sunny day, no rain. but i guess u can't really see it....